He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
