Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
