Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
