I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
