haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
