Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
