she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
