I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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