I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
