So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
