Im at strip club and am horny
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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