But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
