Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
God, I missed his penis.
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