Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
