the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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