Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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