I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
