First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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