well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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