she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
