Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
