I molested 6 butterflies tonight
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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