A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Randomize