I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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