i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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