i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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