he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
