Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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