Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You are the jesus of drinking
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
