dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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