i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
