I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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