At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
