sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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