ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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