So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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