also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
this is an emotional support booty call
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize