I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I touched a dick in church today
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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