At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
