I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I lost the right to judge tonight
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
