Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
