She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
