So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
