Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Actions speak louder than pants.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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