Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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