She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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