He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
