So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
