you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
