I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I cut my penus on the lid.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
