i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize