It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
