A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
