What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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