it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i already hear my dad disowning me
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
