...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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