Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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