Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I want a musical about memes.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
