I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I'm having to shit out rocks
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
