Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize