I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
