Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
