TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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