worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
