and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
