Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
