omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Randomize
