I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize