She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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