I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize