I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
