Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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