New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
