She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
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