I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
