20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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