mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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