I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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