hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
did i walk over a car last night?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
