Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
honey bunches of taint.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
