i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
