he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
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