You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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