I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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