My liver just broke up with me...
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
