he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
