My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Randomize
