My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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