We named our party play list daddy issues
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
