Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
