I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
