im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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