Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
