chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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