I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
