Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
