i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
