I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
