every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
