Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
